Like Sands through the Hourglass

This week I passed the milestone of 37. That sounds suspiciously close to 40 but I think I can hold it off a little while longer. Normally, I become very melancholic around birthdays. The correction my wife made last night was that I become more melancholic. Apparently I am a real gas to be around. I think that the reason birthdays have always gotten me down is because it always leads me to look back at the previous year. For me that usually coincides with regret for the dumb things done or items never accomplished. I have always been my own worst critic and so looks backwards are usually full of my own disappointments. Charming, I know. This year I seem to be in a different place in large part due to the toll this last year has taken on me. I struggled all year with not allowing my strength to come from God and instead took it all upon myself. This pushed me to the brink of burn out. Now I feel as if I have been led to the water and shown how to drink. My soul is no longer weary and thirsty. And so for the first time in a long time I find myself at birthday time not looking backwards with regret but gazing forward with anticipation. All of the same challenges of last week are still present. A birthday is in fact just that - a day. A day like any other, except maybe some people are a little nicer to you I suppose. Oh and you usually get to pick what you want to eat. That alone is worth it! I had Sonic. Come to think of it, the Sonic opening by my house the day before my birthday is quite a present indeed, and that may be the cause of my new found optimism. Nah - we will just call that gravy. I digress. I do look forward to 37 because I feel like some valuable lessons have been learned and this next year will be different, even though many of the challenging circumstances of life remain. My outlook is different. I am not looking through the lens of all the things Tim can't do, but looking through the new perspective of how much God can do if I let Him. So to 36 I say farewell, it was quite the journey. To 37 I say BRING IT!