We got to Pray just to make it today

Honestly I have been wrestling with the topic of prayer for a long time. It seems to have intensified recently for some strange reason. My struggle with this is why would MC Hammer sing about it? Not really. I have been having difficulty coming to terms with why do we pray. God is going to do what He wants to do after all. Do I think that I can convince Him or coerce Him into doing what I want? Of course not. God knows best - He has an infinite, unchanging perspective where mine is limited and shifts like the wind. I heard somebody say that we pray not to change God's mind but to align our hearts with God. That sounds really profound and like what I am missing but yet I am still not satisfied. I truthfully have had a hard time praying and asking for things lately. Everything seems like something I want and in the back of my mind I think, well you can ask but He's going to do what He's going to do so does it really matter. I am willing to concede this may be one of those, take thought captive kind of moments, where I just need to press through my doubt. And yet I am still not satisfied. I still feel like I am missing something.

Oddly as I have wrestled through this for several months in a very intense way it seems to be preparation for a trial. Isn't it always! Now someone close to me - the closest person to me and the one I cannot imagine life without - needs prayer. They need healing. I have found myself praying earnestly and constantly. Asking for healing, for a miracle, for relief, for strength. Literally feeling like I have to pray just to make it to and through today. I don't know the outcome. I want a miracle. I want a physical healing. I am asking for it. I am begging for it.

I guess it boils down this. I believe God can do all things. I also believe He is going to do what He knows is best. How do I ask for something that I have no idea if it is what is best or not? I want to align my heart for God, but it totally messes with my desire to pray for things. I have read many scriptures - we have not because we ask not - that suggest we do have an impact with our prayers. Not that we change God's mind but somehow the prayers of the saints looses things in a way we cannot begin to understand. My heart and my mind are once again waged in mortal combat. I don't know the answer. I know that in this case there is so much on the line and I am praying, like I have never prayed before. I do pray for healing for my wife. I also pray God would help me to see His hand at work even if it is not in the way I am looking for it. And I pray I can get past this internal struggle of mine. I have got to pray just to make it today.