Surprised in a Pleasant Kind Of Way

This weekend was one of those times where I found myself commenting, at least to myself, on several occasions that I was pleasantly surprised. Most of it had to do with things that impacted me more than I had expected. As I sat and reflected on the events in my quiet time, I decided I should document them here. I have battled back and forth about the purpose of this blog. At times it has been used in shameless promotion of ministry related activities or endeavors. Other times it has been an outlet for emotions and feeling that otherwise stay trapped in my mind, like some secret underground cave. Still other times, the blog is merely a dispenser of information, to share with family and friends. In my attempt to over organize everything, that feels messy and inconsistent. Like a singular theme and style should emerge and remain. Of course, the problem with that is that I, as a fallible, inconsistent human, do not remain the same. My moods and needs change, in some cases like the wind.

Anyway - back to this weekend. It is the weekend before the StuCo Fall semester begins. That is always a hectic time and I am always surprised by that, saying oh it's only because of this change or this new role or whatever. The reality is there is always some new wrinkle that adds just a touch more, and surprises me. I also find myself being quite emotional at the outset, because I take time to look forward to all I hope will happen. Backwards glances occur as well, reminding me of all the memories of times past. This years wrinkles are some significant changes such as new day and time, new equipment, new leaders, and other various improvements. There are also some faces that aren't returning, which I will expand on in a moment, but all in all I find myself pleasantly surprised at my optimistic outlook and energetic zeal for this, my third year of ministry.

Another pleasant surprise was the 20th anniversary service for CCC. I did not have much to do with the planning or implementation of it, so I confess to feeling a little disconnected from the whole affair. Not that I needed something else to do, but I just did not really feel this great anticipation. I was excited to go and like so many, wondered who would show. Well, God showed. It was one of those mountain top experiences with God. As someone I saw noted, the music was great, but not our best. The teaching was inspiring, but nothing earth shattering. The weather, which could have been way worse, was not all that pleasant. There were the usual host of glitches and hiccups - none of which really kept anything from actually happening, but provided some awkward pauses. But at the end of the day, in a crowd of as many as 7,000, the significance was God showed up. There were over 100 baptisms - many of which were decisions on the spot. It was incredible. Nick and Tom, both students of mine, were 2 of those decisions. Both amazing stories and awesome to see. At one point I found myself nearly overcome with emotion, which was quite a surprise. For no to low expectations going in, I was sure blown away walking out.

The final day of this long weekend was a trip to a little college in an even littler town. Through a set of odd and seemingly unfortunate circumstances I got to take someone to the beginning of the next chapter in her life. I was apprehensive because I knew it would be an emotional experience, and traditionally I do not handle those the best. I can honestly say that it impacted me way more than I thought it would. As I walked around the small campus I faced the old demon of a lost dream of my own. I had wanted to go to a small Christian college and get a degree preparing me for a life of ministry. I wanted the investment and knowledge and experience that would propel me towards the grand vision I had in my mind. But that dream was never realized. I am so incredible grateful for the opportunities I have in ministry today. I never would have believed this second chance could be a reality. Still, there is a part of me that was incredibly jealous and envious of Erin, and the opportunity ahead of her. But the experience also made me face something else I don't like to admit too often and that is how attached I can get to people sometimes. Originally, my thought was that the return ride home would be a nice chunk of solitude, which I do not get nearly as often as I would like. However, I found that I was mostly lonely on the way home. Realizing that a significant relationship and a person I loved would not be around as much as I desired. I look forward to visits and long phone calls and I am even learning how to web chat, but for a season it will change from what it was. So in a pleasant, but sobering kind of way, I was reminded that I do let people in, even if only occasionally. It is possible and it is good and it does make me better as a result. I cherish the relationships I do have and it reminds me to take advantage of the opportunities I have while I have them. A pleasant reminder I needed. All of that adds up to more emotions than I normally have on any given weekend.