Thanks!

I have heard from way more people than I expected that they were following my blog entries from the trip. All I can say is thanks! Thank you for your kind words, thank you for praying for me while I was there, and thank you for allowing me to feel the connection with home through the blog.

It's interesting how the impact of the trip doesn't seem to end with coming home. I find myself battling some of the anger, frustration and even depression that Bob warned the students about. I, somewhat naively, thought I was immune to that. Admittedly, I have enjoyed many meals out since returning home and I have also enjoyed my well stocked pantry with all of my favorite foods (thanks honey!). But somehow even as I enjoy those things, and try to regain weight above my new all time adult low, I feel this pit in my stomach that has nothing to do with hunger. I am struggling to reconcile where I have been and what I have seen, with what my life has become. Even now, as I face the financial uncertainty to stay in ministry, I am battling my desire (that I often misinterpret as need) for comfort. It is so ingrained in me that I cannot seem to release these shackles around my ankles. But yet, I have been changed, at least in my heart. However my heart and my head have long been in conflict. Too often in my life my head has won the battle at the expense of my heart.

I was contacted by someone who was one of the unexpected blog faithful while I was gone. They were simple sharing that they were now asking themselves what is next. I didn't share insights because honestly I had none, and couldn't imagine being so hypocritical to suggest steps for them, when my own are so unclear. I find myself in the uncomfortable position of trusting God completely and totally without being able to see what is ahead. My heart is ready but my mind is screaming no. The conflict rages on.

Jet Lag has proven to be one of those things that I doubted really existed but is all to real. Finally I have started to get more than a few hours of sleep at a time, but I still feel like the plane we took on the way back landed on me. It's funny how, now, everyone tells me how many weeks - not days! - it took them to feel normal after such long travels. I think I am starting to see why so many of the students are planning return visits. It gives you something to put the anxious energy towards, instead of trying to just reconcile a wasteful life here. I have never been so angry about garbage before. I watch in horror, how the family garbage accumulates on a daily basis. Wow! I am truly a crabby person these days.

Anyway - just meant to say thanks. I guess all the rest is just extra. I dare not make any commitments to future blog entry quality or frequency. Let's just chalk it up to a special couple of weeks.